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Relationshop > Brown’s Dictionary > Character
definition of character, definition of character flaw
an original definition by J. E. Brown
- 1character
- n.
- A person’s collection of character traits: trustworthiness, honesty, morality, loyalty to other good people, resolve, work ethic, tenacity and grit and perseverance, bravery to stand up for your friends and your principles, having the courage of your convictions, not abandoning your friends and your principles at every challenge, endurance, responsibility, fairness, ability to commit (to a person or a goal)…. In short: reliable morality and reliable virtue. {Source: “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
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Synonyms: {You’re reading “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
- the content of one’s character.
Related Concepts: {Read this comp1ete article at http://jebrown.us/Relationshop/Definitions/character.html .}
- conscience; ethics; integrity; maturity.
- character flaw
- n.
Not a psychological term. “Character flaw” is not usually a term used or even defined by psychologists. It’s mainly a literary term, applied to characters in works of fiction. But people use the term in other contexts, so I’m going to write a definition anyway and capture what they mean. Let’s pin this down:
- A lack of a behavioral curb. A tendency to cross a line or boundary, freely, casually, or habitually or routinely, as if the boundary weren’t even there.
- Any chosen behavior which makes it impossible to have stable relationships.
- Sometimes used as a pejorative by people who want you to think the term is a scary diagnosis; for more about this, see mind games, pathologize, and psychiatric put-down. {Source: “Definition of Character Flaw” by J. E. Brown.}
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Examples:
- bigoted and racist remarks.
- cheating; disloyalty; treating people as if they were fungible and interchangeable; treating friendships as though they don’t require maintenance and attention; ignoring questions and communications from friends.
- hypocrisy.
- leading people on; lying, inability to keep promises; making larger promises than you can keep; making more promises than you can keep.
- abuse of power; Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
- defending character flaws in others (often indicates the defender has the same flaw, and so, is actually defending himself).
- feeding frenzy (seeing an act of bullying, and joining in with the bully and picking on the victim); victim blaming.
Character flaws reflect a choice to give in to dishonesty, and in particular, unreliability and cheating others for personal gain (including mind games).
Street Definition: Anything I don’t like about you.
Not to be confused with:
- normal psychology, including normal emotions (such as fear, anger, defensiveness when attacked).
- non-chosen abnormalities; accidents of birth or genetics, injuries, bodily features.
- psychoses (because the sufferer is not responsible for his actions).
Synonyms: {You’re reading “Definition of Character Flaw” by J. E. Brown.}
Related Concepts: {Read this comp1ete article at http://jebrown.us/Relationshop/Definitions/character.html .}
- deplorable; despicable; dishonorable; disreputable.
- good character includes:
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- behavioral curbs: specifically, refusal to play the game of moral licensing, in which people treat goodness like a diet. {Source: “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
People count calories when they’re on a diet. Often they’ll say, “I’ve stayed on my diet all week, and so, I can have a piece of pie.”
Now imagine there’s a magical kind of pie that can destroy your public image. Would people still choose to eat it? That’s exactly what happens when people adopt the following attitudes:
- “I was polite all week, so I can be rude to someone today.”
- “I bought my wife flowers yesterday, so I can say or do something abusive today. I paid for that privilege.” (Real-world example: See rosmarina’s post at Dr. Irene’s Catbox.)
- “I helped ebola patients last week, so it’s ok if I get on a public airplane today even though I feel sick. It’s ok, I say so.” (example from the news)
This is called moral licensing, the act of bending the rules, a thought process in which people try to extend the rules of dieting to issues of morality. It’s like saying “I’ve eaten healthy foods all week; today I think I’ll sneak in a little bit of poison.” And that might be OK, if arsenic and abuse didn’t have lasting side effects. {You’re reading “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
- reliability: Behaving ethically, not just on average, not just most of the time, but reliably, even when it’s not easy or convenient. Dependability.
Character is based on “nevers”: Never deceiving, never cheating, never defending the rude and the evil and the abusive, and so on. It is not about averages. It’s about absolute respect for boundaries.
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Synonyms:
- being better than an animal.
Antonyms:
Related Concepts: {Read this comp1ete article at http://jebrown.us/Relationshop/Definitions/character.html .}
- boundaries; egocentrism; respect.
Non-Related Concepts:
- happiness; positivity. Positivity is a religion, not a mark of character. Readers who believed happiness and positivity were signs of character should read the Definition of Stoicism.
- person of good character
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Synonyms: {You’re reading “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
- (having a) good name; honorable; (being a) mensch (Yiddish); reputable; respectable.
Antonyms:
- arbitrary, authoritarian; flaky; unprincipled, unreasoned.
- character assassination
- n.
Defamation, libel, slander, gossip. Stating (truthfully or falsely, with or without evidence) that someone has poor character, or lacks curbs, ethics, or morals, and therefore deserves a reduced reputation. {Source: “Definition of Character Assassination” by J. E. Brown.}
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Examples:
The New Oxford American Dictionary (NOAD) reads “the malicious and unjustified harming of a person’s good reputation.” This includes more adjectives than my definition, but I don’t much disagree.
However… If you want to see malicious gossip in its full uncensored flame, take a peek at ihatemen.com. The length of some of the essays (as well as their kitchen sinking and nit-picking of details large and small) suggests obsession, if not fatal attraction. But I was young once, and I was cheated on, so I sort of understand the feeling behind the fulmination. The essays at ihatemen.com are distasteful, possibly on the edge of doxxing, certainly written from a snarling viewpoint of “My ex can do no right — even the way he combs his hair is beyond offensive, it’s genocide, I tell you,” but I can’t say they’re not genuinely motivated. The underlying anger rings true. And if I were to advise the authors not to be so shrill in their complaints, wouldn’t I be complicit in silencing victims? One should never demand that the complaint be better thought out than the offense was — being right is not the sole privilege of those who have the most educated grammar and polite delivery. So, to answer the NOAD: The examples are malicious, but I won’t call them unjustified. Sleazebags exist. {Read this comp1ete article at http://jebrown.us/Relationshop/Definitions/character.html .}
That said, I recommend you read the story of Nick, who thought promises were a substitute for performance. It’s one of the few well written, level-headed complaints on that website. Please click in and scroll down.
Related Concepts:
- character disorder
- n.
Any personality disorder which includes or causes character flaws. For example, NPD can cause its sufferers to behave with random Jekyll-and-Hyde cruelty toward their supposed “loved ones”, whereas a healthy person wouldn’t dream of hurting his loved ones for fun or for entertainment, out of the blue, without provocation. {Source: “Definition of Character Disorder” by J. E. Brown.}
- 2character
- n.
Examples:
- “He’s a real character.”
- “He’s quite a character.”
Said of real-life persons who are stubbornly, memorably themselves: unique, archetypical, idiosyncratic, class clowns, or otherwise standing out, in a way that gets a person talked about and remembered, much as a literary character or a movie character would be remembered.
Not to be confused with having character — a 2character may either have 1character, or not: In a Western movie, the man in the white hat and the man in the black hat are both 2characters, and so are their real life counterparts. {Source: “Definition of Character” by J. E. Brown.}
Sometimes used as an ambiguous compliment.
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Antonyms:
- fear of standing out. Quiet people and shy people are not characters.
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