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15 July 2005
[in reply to The Monster Blog, "Treat Your Exit Interview Like Your Hiring Interview"]Q. In an exit interview, should you air your grievances?
A. I don't think it helps. If your boss has used your whole period of employment as one long opportunity to mistreat you and to show you that your input isn't taken seriously (the reasons why most of us leave), s/he's only going to use the exit interview for more of the same. I've been there. I've seen it. As for the question "Should I mention the work environment problems at my next job interview?" If your boss was verbally abusive, then not only should you, but you *must* -- One thing I've learned about abusive people is that they will jump to each other's defense. It's a revealing knee-jerk reaction that they cannot control. So, the entry interview is the perfect opportunity to find out if your prospective new boss is an abuser. If asked why you left a job, simply mention "I left because my former boss was verbally abusive." Do not give details -- they are not necessary and they're nobody's business. Just sit back and watch the reaction you get. If your interviewer expresses skepticism or displays some scoffing, moralistic allergic reaction to your frankness, for example if he smirks and says "Riiiiight. And what is it you *think* he or she did to you?" or says "That's not a nice thing to say," you'll know immediately that s/he has flunked *your* test and that this is not a place you want to work. And otherwise, if your interviewer is sympathetic, your demeanor and friendliness during the rest of the interview will convince any reasonable interviewer that *you* were not the problem. I've tried it. It worked. I got the job.
Consider this: Many people who interview you were once in your shoes: they once left a bad job for reasons like yours. They'll be glad to have you as company. Finally, keep this in mind: Most people are with you on this issue, and need no convincing. But if someone expresses doubt that you've been mistreated, and asks you for minute details or continues saying "I don't understand," he will probably never be convinced. People either get it or they don't. Remember the lesson that reality TV teaches us: Bossy people and control freaks are always the ones voted off the island first. By majority vote. No convincing needed. So anyone who pretends not to be convinced of the problem is generally on the wrong side of the issue. The attitude that abusiveness in the powerful must be tolerated is cowardice, and only perpetuates the problem. Those who would label silence as "professional" need to reread Martin Niemöller's famous quote. For resources on workplace bullying, visit http://www.bullyonline.org/
J. E. Brown relationship activist Relationshop Los Alamos, NM USA
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